I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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