Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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