butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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