Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I could make wine with my vomit
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
