You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
