mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
