This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
