is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
