the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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