Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
