True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
