dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
