I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
