i really wish james franco would like my vagina
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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