I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
