u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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