he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
