I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
