I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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