Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
