You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
