Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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