i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
