Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
