Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
