from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You can't motorboat a personality
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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