I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
