If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
