the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
