no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
