what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
