No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
