um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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