Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
