That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
