was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
