I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
