did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
North Korea, Best Korea!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
