Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
