I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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