the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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