yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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