garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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