She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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