ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
