im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize