Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
