Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The air taste purple.
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