I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
