I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
