I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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