Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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