people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
