it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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