A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
