i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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