I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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