My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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