When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
