nut hugger
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
