hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
