he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
