If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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