He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
