the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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