i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
