I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
