you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
