How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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