is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
