i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
