My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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