Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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