How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
