My first STD was from a foam party
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize